Dystopia
by Campino
Summary: This is a prequle to my fic Sakura Falls. Though you don't really need to read that to understand this, I think you should read it. This is basically about Sakura's life after the Clow Cards. You know, picking up where the manga left off. Sakura has to de


Dystopia  ****

Dystopia 

By: Sorano 

Disclaimer: CCS does not belong to me. It belongs to Kodansha and most of all, the extremely talented CLAMP.

A/N: This is sort of a prequel to my fic Sakura Falls. It's to sort of show how Sakura could turn out bad. And for those of you who have not read Sakura Falls (which you really should) this just goes to show what it might be like for Sakura starting high school and her life after the Clow Cards. It's kind of long, but I didn't want to chapter it. You might want to read it when you have lots of time. BTW, dystopia is a word I learned in English the other day. It means a malfunctioning utopia or something like that. Also I'm making the way their schools work the way mine do. That high school starts at grade seven. I'm not sure how schools work in Japan. Enjoy! ^_^

It's so big. I'll get lost. When I was little I had some belief that Touya would b there to show me around. That's silly. He's gone off to college. But I have my friends. I'll always have my friends, right? Not Syaoran though. He left me and went off to Hong Kong.

I know he didn't have a choice, but I miss him so much. Who would've thought? Like, I always tried to be his friend (sort of), but he never seemed very social. Do I love him? How can I? I know I care about him. A lot. Why?

Hmmm…. I walked into the high school and began to search for my friends. There are so many kids here. I look desperately for a familiar face.

I miss elementary school. They don't have recess here. How am I going to live without recess? Everything's changing so fast. I don't like it. Why can't things just stay the same forever?

It didn't take me long to find my friends. Some senior was beating the crap out of Yamazaki. He was probably telling one of his tales again.

I rushed up to my friends, who looked as bewildered as I was. "Hey, Sakura. Where's your roller blades?" I look down at my feet and realize for the first time in my life I walked to school. "I guess I left them at home. Don't you think roller balding is kind of babyish?" 

"Not with you, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo replied. "You look cute no matter what you do." I was starting to get confused by these little comments Tomoyo said. Is it alright for her to say I'm cute? Yesterday I heard some kids say Tomoyo is gay. Someone even said she's in love with me. That's silly. We're best friends. That's all, right?

"Hey, leave him alone!" Chiharu is telling the older student who is currently bashing Yamazaki into a locker. The boy was about to tell her off when he took a good look at her and smiled. "Alright, sweetie," he dropped Yamazaki. I could tell by the look on Chiharu's face she did not like him calling her 'sweetie.'

"You're cute," he told her. I felt slightly sick when he said this to her. He sounded a lot like Tomoyo. "I'll leave your friend alone…" the bully said advancing towards her. "If you give me a kiss." Chiharu looked disgusted and flat out refused. 

"You know," the slightly dazed Yamazaki spoke up. "In some countries when two people kissed th-" "Shut up!" Both Chiharu and the bully cut him off at the same time. "Come on, babe," the older student said. Luckily, the bell rang just then and someone yelled at the boy to get to class.

I looked around and saw all my friends surrounding me. Yamazaki, Tomoyo, Chiharu, Rika, Naoko, and some other girls from elementary school that I didn't know too well. Everyone looked a little nervous and upset. Yamazaki was blabbering away while Chiharu bashed him on the head, Rika was biting her nails, Naoko was playing with her hair, and Tomoyo was clinging desperately to me.

"I guess we'd better go find homeroom. Have you guys got your schedules yet?" My friends shook their heads no. "Okay! Let's go to the office and get them!" The office was nearby so we didn't get too lost. Comparing schedules, I saw that me and Tomoyo and Rika were in the same homeroom and we had a couple classes with the others but not much. Thankfully Tomoyo was in all my classes but one. I don't know what I would've done if I was all alone.

"I'm glad they still have gym class here," I remarked. My friends nodded. "And I hear their home ec. program is excellent," Tomoyo added. I thought she looked kind of sad when she said this. _I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact she can't make me battle costumes anymore?_

I smile at her and we all go to class. The classes are much bigger in high school than in elementary school. The teacher's aren't as nice. I can tell Rika misses Terada-sensei. As a matter of fact, all of my friends look kind of sad. Am I sad? I don't think so. I mean high school is exciting, right?

In Japanese class, a cute boy sat behind me. His name is Akira. All my friends are flirting with the guys, but I can't. I mean, I want to, but Syaoran…I love him. No, do I? All I know is I have to wait for him to return. I promised him I would. It's so hard. I think Akira likes me. He follows me everywhere and won't leave me alone. It's kind of annoying. Syaoran was never annoying. Or was he? It's funny. I can't remember.

I feel hands gently moving through my hair. At first I think it's Tomoyo, because she always likes to play with my hair, but turning around I realize it's Akira. "Hi," he grins at me. "What are you doing?" I ask, not really upset, just confused. "You have really pretty hair," he says. "It would be even prettier if you grew it out. You could be really hot."

I flushed and turned around, not sure what to think. "No offense Sakura-chan (you don't mind if I call you that do you?), but that still is so third grade." "Fourth…." I muttered under my breath. "I think Sakura has beautiful hair," Tomoyo who sits beside me said. Akira gave her a funny look and went to talk to some of his guy friends.

"You aren't really going to grow out your hair?" Tomoyo asks me, worry showing in her beautiful violet eyes. "Of course not!" I was quick to reassure her, but I didn't really mean it. A lot of older girls had been saying this to me lately, that I could be really pretty if I dropped the 'cute kid stuff.' I don't know what to do. Will Syaoran still love me if I had long hair?

Later, at home I spent half an hour in front of the mirror. At first I was looking at my hair, deciding what to do. But when I looked closer, I started questioning myself. _Who am I? Sakura Kinomoto. Who's she? What is she? _Kero had spent a few minutes staring at me staring in the mirror which was staring right back with me. He rolled his eyes. "_Teenagers…_"

I ignored this little comment and smiled, knowing I had made up my mind. It's time to find out who Sakura Kinomoto really is. I didn't go to get my hair cut the next week like usual and when my bangs go too long, I held them to the side with barrettes. Akira convinced me to use plain silver barrettes instead of my pink butterflies.

Cheerleading tryouts were a few weeks later and I knew I was going to make it. My friends and I have been on the cheerleading squad since the second grade. The rest of the squad wasn't anything like I expected them to be. I guess I thought they'd be more like us. Naoko said they're snobs. I'm not sure.

Most of them were blond and they all were thin and pretty. Tomoyo has always told me I'm cute, but I don't think I compare to those girls at all. I was nervous because everybody else was much older than me, but I think I did a pretty good job. I didn't mess up once. 

We had all been practicing for weeks, and I could see the head cheerleader giving me an evil look. The other girls didn't seem to like us much. I'm confused. What did we do wrong? When the names were posted I was shocked to see mine wasn't on it. 

Slowly I stepped back from all the freshman girls trying to see the list. "What's wrong, Sakura?" Tomoyo asked. "I didn't make it." "Nani? Of course you did, Sakura. You're the best," Chiharu protested. "None of us made it." "But we were the best ones there!" Rika pushed her way through the crowd to see the list for herself. 

"She's telling the truth." "Of course she is!" I was upset, cheerleading means a lot to me, but it's my job to cheer everyone up. I put on a bright, fake smile. "It's okay minna! There's always next year, right? We just have to get better! And there's lots of other stuff we can do!"

* * *

The next day Akira asked me out. I must be a pretty stupid thirteen-year-old, because I had no idea what to do. I have to admit, I've never been on a date before. Sure Syaoran and me hung out a bit before he left, but it's not the same.

"Umm…" I looked flushed and looked down at the ground. Akira grinned at me and laughed. "Sakura-chan. What's so hard? Just say yes. We'll have fun. Catch a movie or something." "Um, okay." I gave a little smile and he laughed again. "You're so cute Sakura-chan."

So we went out to a movie that night. I wasn't sure what to expect. Kero had tried to reassure me. Told me just to be myself and all that. I almost missed Touya there. I kept thinking of what he'd say to me. Teasing me about my first date. When Dad found out I was going out with a guy, he actually was pretty good about it. He didn't make a big deal about it, just said to be back by eleven.

While we waited for the movie to start, some of Akira's older friends joined us. The were smoking and offered me one. I know smoking is bad for you and all, but I didn't want to look like a kid in front of Akira. So I took a cigarette from a guy and took a long gulp. 

I immediately coughed and coughed. "Don't you like it?" Akira asked. "Yeah, it's..great," I wheezed. Actually I hated it, but continued to smoke it. The stuff tasted nasty, but wasn't so bad once you got used to it. I was glad that the usher made us put them out before we went into the theater. 

I was relieved that Akira's friends were going to see another movie. They made me uncomfortable. I wanted to sit in the middle row, so that we'd have the best view, but Akira dragged me to the top. He looked with disgust at my box of popcorn. "You really shouldn't eat that." "Why not?" "It'll ruin your beautiful figure."

"Hoe?" Up until now, I hadn't really thought about that. I mean I love candy and popcorn and junk. I always eat a ton of eat, though I don't have as big of a sweet tooth as Kero. And I've always been a thin kid, being so active and all, I've never had to worry about my weight.

"Do you think I'm fat?" I asked him. "Of course not. But you will become fat if you eat that popcorn. And," he added as he leaned over to kiss me, "I like my girls hot." I blushed and felt his lips brush against mine. Syaoran has never kissed me. He kissed me once on the cheek and that was it. Why am I thinking about Syaoran? He's not here- Akira is.

It was a good movie, one I'd been wanting to see for a long time. There was an extremely tall man sitting in front of me and I had to crane my neck to see. It was hard to concentrate on the movie, because Akira kept trying to kiss me. "Cut it out already!" I told him. 

Akira looked annoyed. "Sakura! Why did you bother coming if you're going to be like that?" "I just want to watch the movie, okay?" Akira huffed, crossed his arms, and sat back. "You're such a square," he muttered a few minutes later. "A cute one though…" _Square? _

I was glad when the movie ended. I wasn't having a very good time with Akira. We walked down the street in silence. "Akira?" I asked tentatively. "Did I do something wrong?" He laughed harshly, and suddenly I was afraid of him. "You're so cold." 

Cold? No, I'm warm and sweet. "No, I'm not cold." "Kiss me then." "Look, I wanted to watch the movie. Is that such a big deal?" I couldn't understand what Akira was getting at. Isn't that what we were supposed to do- watch the movie? Why was he mad? "Don't be a bitch."

I want to go home now. I don't like this. Syaoran never made me feel this way. I looked at my watch and glared at Akira. "I've got to go home now. My Dad wants me home by eleven." Akira snorted and reached for me. "Please Sakura-chan. Stay a little longer. We'll get a slushie or something." "No, thanks."

I headed for the bus stop; uncomfortable with the fact they're so few people around. "Sakura!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "Leave me alone!" He kissed me and I pushed him away gently. "We were friends, right Akira? I mean, I like you. But all you wanna do is make out." "No shit. That's what you do on dates. I love you Sakura."

"No, you don't." The bus pulled up and I quickly got on. Akira didn't make any effort to stop me. "We'll still be friends, right Sakura?" "Sure," I replied half-heartily. "See you tomorrow!" He waved as I left, looking the complete opposite of how I felt. 

I was angry, and embarrassed, and upset, but most of all, I was confused. Shouldn't I have just gone along with Akira? What's the big deal? I made an idiot of myself! I leaned back on a hard seat and put my face in my hands. "Ya know," a voice remarked behind me. "There's been reports of people sticking HIV infected needles into bus seats."

I ignored this and closed my eyes. So I've screwed up my first date. Suddenly I realized what was going to happen. Word would be all around school tomorrow. What would Akira tell them? That I'm a slut? Or that I refused to even kiss him? What would everyone think?

When I got home I called all my friends to tell them about my date. A couple of them had already gone out, but not much. And poor Naoko can't even talk to guys so she was dying to know how my date went. I talked to Tomoyo last and the longest. 

I can tell her, right? That Akira is mad at me because…why is he mad at me? What did I do? Oh, well, I can tell Tomoyo anything 'cause I know she'll understand. She's such a good friend. "Hi, Sakura!" Tomoyo has caller id. "How was your date? Did you have fun? Was the movie good? Did he kiss you?"

Tomoyo was giggling and this annoyed me a little. "It was okay," I replied. "Yeah, he kissed me. And the movie was great." Somehow I just couldn't tell Tomoyo. I wasn't sure why. I knew she'd understand and take my side and it was nothing to be embarrassed about…but…

"Hey, Sakura, guess who's back?" I stifled a yawn. "Who?" "Eriol! Isn't that so cool?" "Hoe? Eriol? Really? That's great, sort of." "I'm sure everything will be different now that this whole business with the Clow cards is cleared up." "I guess so." "Guess what? He asked me to go with him to this concert downtown. Like an orchestra kind of thing. He said…." Tomoyo voice faded out a little, I was thinking of other things. "So he didn't exactly ask me out, but….I'm so happy."

"Hanyaan…" Sakura mumbled softly. "Huh, Sakura? What did you say?" "Nothing, Tomoyo-chan. I'm tired. I'll talk to you at school tomorrow." "Okay, bye Sakura!" I hung up the phone and crawled onto my bed. I wanted to sleep off the night, but there was one more person I had to talk to.

There was a crumpled piece of paper stuck in one of my drawers and I got it out and quickly dialed the scrawled number. "Moshi moshi?" A tired voice grumbled. "Touya?" "Squirt? What are you doing calling so late? It's four in the morning here." "Touya…I need to talk to you about something. It's important."

"What is it, imouto?" Touya sounded a little concerned. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…will," I fumbled over my words, not sure of what to say. "Do you have to kiss when you go on a date?" "Huh? What do you mean?" "I mean do you have to kiss. Like, is it okay to see a movie with a guy and not kiss. To actually watch the movie?"

"Sakura-" I cut him off, "How old were you when you first kissed a girl? If they didn't want to kiss, or have sex or anything, is that okay with you? Would you bug them about it or force them?" "Sakura, calm down. What's going on?" "I went out with this boy in my class tonight. We went to see this movie and I thought he was nice but all he wanted to do was make out and he said I was a bitch and…"

"He said you were what?" Touya growled. "Nobody talks to my little sister like that!" "Touya…" "Sakura…"I could hear Touya sigh. "Don't you think you ought to talk to one of your little friends about this? A girl?" "No, Touya! You! Because you're older and know about this kind of stuff."

"Sakura-chan, listen, don't do anything you don't want to do. Lot's of girls I went out with wanted to go slow and that's fine with me. If this guy won't listen to you, then he's not worth your time. I promise you that not all guys will be like that." "Thanks, Touya." "If any guy ever hurts you, you just let me know, okay squirt?" "Okay. I'm sorry for waking you up." "No problem. I love you Sakura." "Love you too. Good-night."

When I hung up the phone I felt a lot better. When had Touya gotten so sweet and big brotherly? I thought he'd tease me or tell me to go to bed. With that settle, I could go to bed and everything would be okay. 

* * *

Akira was very cold and distant the next day. But this didn't bother me too much. Forget about him, I don't need him. My friends were a little confused by this, but they were so wrapped up in themselves they didn't bug me much.

Tomoyo sat with Eriol at lunch and this made me sad. I pulled up a chair at their table, not realizing they wanted to be alone. "Hi guys!" I smiled cheerfully at them, but they only looked annoyed. The tried to be as polite as possible in telling me to go away, but eventually Eriol had to yell at me to "get lost and mind your own business!"

I was kind of hurt and went and sat with my other friends. I didn't talk much with them. "Hey, Sakura?" Chiharu waved her hand in front of my face. "What's up with you? You're so quiet. And how come you aren't eating? Are you sick?" "I'm okay," I had a large fries in front of me, but hadn't taken a bit. What Akira had said to me last night was still stuck in my head.

"I'll have them if you don't want them," Rika pointed to my fries. "Sure," I pushed them over to her. How many calories are in fries? Am I fat? I don't want to be fat! Maybe that's the reason I didn't make the cheerleading squad. I'm not thin enough. 

I decided right then and there to go on a diet. I'm not sure why, I just have to be thin. "You should eat something," Naoko said to me. "I'm not hungry." I got up, not being able to stand it in there any longer and went to the library. 

I'm not much of a reader and my popularity wouldn't go down extremely quickly if I was caught, but this seemed the right place to go. Nice and quiet. Or it would've been if a group of girls came in. "It's a seventh grader!" They whispered and headed in my direction. "She's so little!" "She's so cute!" "Doesn't she look like a goody-goody?"

Excuse me! Goody-goody! "What's up?" A girl with bright pink hair asked me, her bubble gum popping in my face. "Want a smoke?" I remembered how it felt the night before and nodded. "Yeah," the girl handed me one and I had no problem with it today. I must be getting better at this sort of stuff.

The girls must have been four or five years older than me, but they seemed to understand me so well. I realized later that they must've been making fun of me, but right then they were pretty cool. We sat there and talked and smoked. When the bell rang, we didn't bother going to class.

* * *

When I got home my Dad's car was in the driveway. I hurried inside; because he's never home this early. Never. "Dad?" I hung up my coat and put my bag on the couch. My Dad was sitting in his study, slowly sipping coffee and looking deeply troubled.

"Hello, Sakura. Did you have a nice day at school?" I nodded. "Dad…why are you home so early? Is something wrong?" "I got fired," he said bitterly. "Fired?" I only could repeat the words. "That's right." He waved a smile pink slip in front of my face. "This is all I got. They couldn't even tell me in person."

I sat down in one of the chairs. "But how could they fire you? You've worked there for years. You're one of their best professors. They wouldn't be able to do without you." Mr. Kinomoto rubbed his head tiredly. "I'm not sure, Sakura. The university is merging with another university for some reason or another. They have to lay off half of the staff."

"But that's not fair!" How could Dad be so calm? My whole life he's worked at the university. "Sakura-chan, life isn't fair. You should know that by now." "But what are you going to do? Are we going to be broke? Have to live on welfare or something?" Dad gave a strangled sort of laugh. "Don't be silly. We have plenty of money. I'll just get a new job. There's a teacher shortage so I probably won't have too difficult a time in finding a job."

"It won't be the same," I whispered, knowing my whole life was turning upside down. "Of course not. But we'll manage. Now you shouldn't have to worry about this. Go get a snack or something."

But days turned into weeks and weeks into months and Dad still wasn't able to get a job. He was starting to get really worried now and we had to ration our money. Dad promised that he'd never take any money out of my college fund no matter how desperate we got. "I'm not going to college," I told him. "You might as well use that money." "Nonsense, Sakura. Of course you're going to college."

It was about this time that everything began to slip. My grades went WAY down, we got poorer, I started smoking more and dad told me I had an 'attitude problem.' I didn't quite understand what's going on. Life's changing so fast and I'm just going with the flow.

Though life was turning upside down, some good happened too. Shortly after my fourteenth birthday (which my party was co-ed), a very wonderful and unexpected thing occurred. I was on my way to school and I hadn't met up with Tomoyo yet. A tall, dark-haired boy stepped onto the sidewalk and had his back to me.

My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't help but hope. As I got closer, I could see a teddy bear nestled in the boy's hands and I was filled with joy. But still…it might not be him. I can't get my hopes up. "Syaoran-kun?!" I called out. Slowly he turned around and I saw that it was him.

"Syaoran!" I yelled and ran for him. He smiled and blushed just like he used too. Even though a few years had passed he hadn't changed a bit. Or maybe he was a bit cuter. When I caught up to him, he caught me in his arms and swung me around. It had been a long time since I felt so warm, so safe. Now that Syaoran is here everything will be okay.

"Sakura-chan! I'm done in Hong Kong! I can stay here!" "Really?" I had been waiting for this for so long. "Yes, really." "No more long distances phone calls and letters?" "Nope!" I buried my face in his chest and he held me. _We'll be together forever. That's the way we were meant to be. The Clow Cards were destiny and becoming friends with Syaoran was destiny._

* * *

Everyone blamed my personality change on hormones. "Teenager girls and their mood swings," my Dad had muttered and I knew he was thinking of Mom. Speaking of Mom, I've missed her so much lately. While all the other girls push their parents away, I want mine more than ever. There are so many questions I have. 

For instance, I got my period the other week and I had no idea what to do. I couldn't tell Dad. That would embarrass us both way too much. I had to go down to the drugstore and discover tampons on my own. 

Although Syaoran doesn't understand these kinds of things because he's a guy, he's still there for me. He's the only one who doesn't get mad at me for being so weird all the time. We hang out all the time to make up for how much time we missed while he was in Hong Kong.

Oniichan was right. A lot of guys aren't like Akira. Especially not Syaoran. And Akira and me are still friends. He apologized for that night, but he still continues to look at me in a disturbing way.

Syaoran's so sweet. He's so different from other guys. He's much more serious and mature. Is it because of the Clow Cards? Because of his heritage and the training he grew up with? What made him this way? Syaoran says he treats me with so much respect because he loves me, but I think he's like this with everyone.

* * *

Seventh grade is drawing to a close. It's early June and all of the beautiful cherry blossoms are in bloom. When we walk along, Syaoran plucks a cherry blossom off a nearby tree. "Now you've gone and killed it!" I pout. He smiles and threads my namesake into my honey hair, which now falls below my shoulders. "I'm just returning it to it's proper place," Syaoran whispers.

I giggled and put a blossom in his hair too. He blushes and tries to swipe it out. "Leave it. It looks cute." Seeing a couple kids from school walk by, he quickly takes it out and adds it to my hair. "Not even for you, Sakura-chan."

Right then I wanted to kiss Syaoran. He looked adorable. But I didn't know how. I was afraid it wouldn't feel right. That kissing wasn't the kind of relationship we had. So I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and we both blushed at the same time.

"I have any idea," I suggested. "Let's go on a picnic." "A picnic? Why?" "Oh, I don't know. It'll be fun. A wonderful spring picnic with my Syaoran-kun." "Sure, Sakura, when?" Now how many boys would agree to go on picnics? Isn't Syaoran cool? I know he doesn't really like that kind of thing, but he's willing to go for me.

"How about Sunday afternoon? You know, Syaoran, we're together a lot, but we never get a chance to really talk. You know, about important stuff." Syaoran raised an eyebrow. "Important stuff?" I sighed and looked down. "Yeah, stuff that other people might not understand." 

"I'll make all the food. Let's go to Tomeda Park. It's so beautiful at this time of year. Remember when all of us had a picnic there in fourth grade? Wasn't that fun?" "I don't really remember. When weren't very good friends back then, were we?" I shrugged. "Does it really matter? We are now and we always will be. That's what's really important."

"You're right, Sakura-chan. Do you want to invite anyone else?" "No, silly. I've seen them all year. I think it would be more fun if we only we went together." "K."

* * *

Syaoran couldn't help but stare at her. _She's so cute. Not just pretty like the other girls, but cute and innocent. _It was a warm, sunny day and his cherry blossom was wearing a cute little pink sundress and chatting away happily. They were on their way to the park for the picnic.

"And do you know what he said? Hey, Syaoran? Are you listening to me?" "Huh? Yeah, what did he say?" I grinned and said," he said that he'd rather die than never see her again. Isn't that sweet?" Syaoran nodded, but he didn't really know whom I was talking about.

"Sakura…" he whispered. "What, Syaoran-kun?" "You're changing, can't you see?" "Of course I am! I'm fourteen now!" "You'll be my little cherry blossom forever, right?"I nodded, confused. "Of course. Look we're here. There's a nice place," I pointed to a cherry tree near the river. "Let's go sit there."

"I made really yummy foods," I said as she laid the food out on their blanket. "You're lucky Kero didn't eat it all. See, we have rice balls and sandwiches, and juice and cookies. And I brought some of the chicken leftover from last night. Oh, and here's some of the fudge Dad helped me make last week."

Syaoran stared in amazement as I continued to remove food from the wicker basket. "That's a lot of food. Will we be able to eat it all?" I shrugged. "Probably. I can just bring home what we don't eat. What would you like, Syaoran-kun?" 

I had a few sandwiches, a juice, a couple rice balls, and five cookies. I was about to reach for a piece of fudge when I remembered my diet. _Would Syaoran still love me if I were fat? _Fudge must have million calories and a thousand grams of fat. Syaoran watched with interest, as I held my hand over the plate.

"Aren't you going to have one, Sakura? They're very good. You've improved at cooking." "Actually, I'm not very hungry anymore. You can have them all if you want. Or I'm sure Kero will want them." Syaoran made such a funny face I had to laugh. "I'm not a pig like that little stuffed animal. Give them to him and see how fat he gets."

"So you don't want them?" Syaoran took a few more, so that he wouldn't hurt my feelings. Together we had managed to put away most of the food. When we were done, we sat and talked. I had wanted to talk to him, but not like this. Syaoran talked about the soccer team, and China, school. I talked about the dance committee, drama guild, and my friend's love lives.

Something was blocking us from really talking. We both felt it, the need to remember. What was stopping us? Did we want to forget…after all this time? There was so much in our pasts. 

"Syaoran-kun…look, they're have rowboats down at the river. We can rent one. They aren't very expensive." "You want to go out on the water?" "Yes, it looks nice. Look at all the blossoms floating on the water." "I don't have any money, Sakura-chan." I sighed and looked in my purse. "Well, I have some money. I'll pay." I don't want to tell him that money had been very tight lately. Dad still hasn't been able to find a job.

We got a nice pink, boat and it was very cheap. "You have to row," I told Syaoran. "I'm a girl, and I'm too weak." I winked at him and he groaned. "That's not what you used to say. Make up your mind already!" He rowed us out to the middle, where there weren't many other people and put down the paddles where they wouldn't fall. 

He lay down beside me on the wooden floor and we stared up at the bright sun. The gentle waves rocked the boat and it was very soothing. "What's been bothering you, Sakura? What did you want to talk about? I mean, I like being out here with you and all, but it seems there's something more."

"Do you ever miss it?" "Huh? Miss what?" "Oh, I don't know! Being ten years old and capturing Clow Cards and all. Our old life. Everything's so different now." Syaoran thought long and hard before answering me. "Sakura, I thought you would've been happy to be a regular girl again. Sure we had some fun times, but it's over."

I couldn't explain it to him. I thought he'd understand. He was there the whole way through. Of course, as close as we are, he is nothing like me. "It's not just that. It's that time in our lives. Elementary school and Mizuki-sensei and Terada-sensei. Baton club and cheerleading. I miss Touya and Yukito and Eriol and up until a few months ago I missed you."

"Sakura…A lot of things have changed since I went back to Hong Kong. My duty in life has been made very clear to me. Things have been different for me since the start. I know what you mean, though. We have some pretty good memories, but we'll make new ones."

"Yeah…So life isn't boring for you?" "Of course not! How could it be? You don't think it's boring do you?" "It was fun capturing Clow Cards. We we're _different. Special._" "Sakura, you'll always be special. Nothing can ever take that away from you." "I guess so. Life just seems so dull now after all we've been through." 

I turned over and faced him. "Do you ever feel like you're only fourteen and you lived your whole life already?" Syaoran didn't know what to say. _What can I tell her? I know exactly how she feels but…_"We're all together, Sakura. Things may change, but everything will be okay. As long as we're together, everything will be fine. Just concentrate on the future."

I sat up and kissed him. "I love you, Syaoran. You always know just what to say to make me feel better." I'm not confused anymore. Why does Syaoran have that effect on me? What did he really say that made everything okay? 

Syaoran sat up slowly and blinked from the sun. He gave me one of his rare smiles (which are becoming more frequent) and felt along the side of the boats for the paddles. "Uh oh," he muttered and peered over the side. "What do you mean, 'uh oh?'"

"The paddles aren't there." "Hoe?" "They must have fallen over when we were talking." "What?! You mean we can't get back?" Syaoran bit his lip nervously. "I don't know, Sakura-chan. Like, maybe the wind will blow us back." I rolled my eyes at him. "We're stuck out here! Wait! I think I see them floating there!"

A few feet away from the boat, a long brown object was rapidly sinking. "I'll try and get it!" I carefully stood up and reached over the side. "Sakura! No! You can't stand up on a boat! We'll capsize!" I stretched my arm out as far it would go and tried to grasp the object. "It's just a little further, Syaoran-kun."

Syaoran was trying to pull me back down and I was reaching forward. Suddenly there was a loud crack and floor dissapered beneath me as the boat flipped over. I was in the cold water and when I opened my eyes, all I could see was green and brown muck. The water was heavy and getting to the top was a struggle.

A very annoyed Syaoran pulled me over to the upside down boat and we held on tight. "My dress is ruined!" I wailed, knowing I shouldn't complain since it was my fault. "I knew this was going to happen," Syaoran growled. I giggled looking at his messed up hair and wet shirt. "It's not funny!" Still giggling, I splashed him with water.

A few years ago, he would've gotten mad, but now he just laughed and splashed me back. We were both thoroughly soaked by the time a motor boat zoomed by and an elderly man asked us if we would like some help getting back to shore.

Embarrassed, we climbed into his boat and apologized for dripping water all over it. "No problem," he said and smiled at us. I could just tell what he was thinking 'teen love' or something like that. He was also staring at me and I realized the water made my dress very see-through. Blushing, I asked him what we should do about the rowboat. "Oh, they'll come and get it later." "Won't it sink?" The man just chuckled and brought us back to shore.

Syaoran and I apologized profusely to the boat owner and Syaoran didn't even tell him I stood up. He too almost all the blame himself. The owner was able to retrieve the boat, but said we would have to pay a fine for damage done to the boat and for the lost paddles. When he tallied up the amount, all I was in shock.

"My Dad is going to kill me!" I complained to Syaoran as we walked home together. "I'll pay for half of it," he offered, but I flat out refused. "No way. It's my fault. I shouldn't stood up." "You were trying to retrieve the paddles which I lost!" "But…

* * *

Syaoran had me come over to his house for a bit to get dried off, then I went home. When I showed the bill to my Dad, he didn't kill me at all. He must've been mad, but he didn't show it. "Oh, Sakura," he whispered when he read. He sat down slowly on the couch and I thought he was going to cry.

"I'll pay for it! I promise! I'm so sorry Dad! I'll get a job! I'll use all my allowance for the next year! I'm so sorry, Dad!" "It's alright, Sakura," my Dad said calmly. "I'm not angry with you. It's not your fault. And I got a job today. Teaching at a community college in a city near here. It's nothing like my old job and it pays a lot less, but we'll get by."

Dad hugged me and I went upstairs to talk to Kero. After such deep talking with Syaoran, I'd rather talk about lighter, happier things which is fine with Kero. Sometimes he gives wonderful advice, but most of the time he prefers to be silly. I gave him the rest of the fudge, then challenged him to a video game. I lost of course, because Kero gets so much practice. But we had fun. And that's what matters, right?

* * *

After this, life went on. It fluctuated from good to bad. Sometimes I'd be high and loving life, cheerful old Sakura. And sometimes I was so depressed I threatened to kill myself. But it's okay, right? That's just part of being a teenager and growing up, right? I'm not sure. To me, it just seems like a long, long fall. Sometimes I hit rocks and am hurt; sometimes I think I've caught a ledge of safety. But end the end, I always keep falling.

So, what did you think minna? Did you like it? I really hope you cause I put a lot of time and effort into writing this and my fingers REALLY hurt now. I need one of those curved keyboards. Anyway, please review. And for those of you who have not read Sakura Falls, please read it. It's sort of a continuation to this fic. And PLEASE REVIEW. Pretty please? With a cherry on top? ^_^ There's probably a long space after the text, just zoom down to the review box (and we all know you want to go there). Ja! -Sorano


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